Things Not Caused by Climate Change

The list of the deleterious and not so deleterious effects of supposed anthropogenic global warming (such as more and fewer bushfires, greater and lesser droughts, increasing warmth and increasing coolth, angrier sharks, and such softer sea-shells by a susurrant sea shore) ever grows—alarmingly!—continually!—exponentially!—CATASTROPHICALLY!—so we thought it might be more advantageous to compile a list of all the things which, currently, according to the consensus of “climate scientists”, are NOT caused by climate change (though, of course, we must keep an eye on future editions of “peer-reviewed” pseudo-scientific journals):

Things Not Caused by AGW:

acnestes
apricity;
ascesis;
dysania;
the Elder Futharc;
epenthesis;
La Gelée d’Oranges à l’Anglaise;
gimlets;
heliocentric theory;
the hortatory subjunctive;
knowledge, the wing wherewith we fly to heaven;
leather knapsacks;
most paper cuts;
noumena;
parrhesia;
signet rings;
some asteroid strikes;
tyromancy; &
Vegemite.

See also “Unsettled Science”.